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"A Man’s Guide to Female Menopause"Let's Live(October 2001) |
The statistics are revealing: There are 40 million menopausal women (ages 45
and older) in the United States, with 4,000 women entering menopause daily.
One of them may be your wife. This important time in a woman’s life, ominously
called “The Change,” has often been made to sound like a disease.
Rather, it should be seen as a crucial opportunity for a woman to grow emotionally,
mentally and spiritually, says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of The Wisdom
of Menopause (The Bantam Dell Publishing Group, 2001). “Menopause is
a time of power and achievement,” she stresses.
And there’s no doubt support from a woman’s life partner is especially
critical during this time. “Men must support the beauty and abilities of
the woman they are with to truly empower her during menopause,” says Northrup.
In fact, New York-based obstetrician/gynecologist Don Sloan, M.D., who studied human sexuality under Masters and Johnson, believes, “The most crucial aspect in dealing with menopause is how the man in a woman’s life helps her to go through this exciting, albeit tumultuous, journey. The key to a woman successfully going through menopause is the quality of the support she gets from her husband, or the man in her life,” he says. “The major mistake a woman makes is to think it’s her problem, because she doesn’t want to stress (her partner) out. There is no such thing as an uninvolved partner.”
Menopause means the cessation of menstruation and the termination of a woman’s
fertile period. After menopause, the ovaries are not defunct; they still produce
hormones, but at a much lower level. During menopause, as the inner core of
the ovaries gets bigger, causing the body to produce more testosterone. Hormone
fluctuations may increase or decrease sex drive. Physical symptoms are experienced
by 90% of women and include hot flashes (also called “power surges”)
that peak at around 3 or 4 a.m and get worse during emotional or physical stress.
Other hormone-related symptoms include mood swings, depression, low libido and
difficulty with sex due to vaginal dryness.
Moreover, menopause rewires the brain, triggering a change in priorities, says
Northrup. Rapid changes in brain chemistry may cause women to become a bit impatient
with situations in their lives. They may want to start a business or take up
a new hobby. Ultimately, says Northrup, by the time a woman reaches age 55 or
older, her sex hormones are back to the level they were before puberty
It may go without saying, but the act of being more sensitive to, and understanding of, your partner’s changing body and moods will make her appreciate you more. And any relationship that is infused with deeper appreciation can only become healthier and more dynamic. Ultimately, you may discover that “The Change” is one for the better for both of you.
So, what can a man do to help the woman he loves? First of all, adjust your
attitude. “This isn’t the end of life, it’s the beginning of
life,” says Patricia Love, Ed.D., a marriage and family therapist in Austin,
Texas and author of Hot Monogamy (Plume, 1999). Then, says Love, remember and
use this magic phrase often: “Honey, how can I help?” Other helpful
bits of advice
from Love:
Listen to Her Most women feel better when they talk about what is going
on. Although your first instinct may be to jump in and try to fix the problem,
just open up your ears and hear what she’s saying. That will show her how
committed you are to the relationship and meeting her needs.
Swing With Her Moods Understand that mood swings are real, not a myth.
Try to imagine having an intermittent electric current run through your body
(never knowing when you are going to be shocked) and you’ll have a better
understanding of what the woman in your life is going through. You may become
the lightening rod for her frustration. Try to not take it so personally--remember,
you are not part of the problem, you are part of the solution.
Validate Her Again, what your partner is going through--hot flashes and
other biological symptoms--is real. Try your best to be compassionate and resist
the urge to conclude it must be “all in her head.” This is a time
when a woman’s body is telling her it’s time for a course correction.
Help, don’t hinder her.
Get in Shape Join her in exercising, both in aerobics for heart health,
and weight training to prevent osteoporosis. See it as an opportunity for you
to improve your own health, so you’ll be in shape for her post-menopausal
zest that’s coming (after menopause, women often feel powerful, sexy and
are likely to take up a new career).
Support Her Diet During midlife, women experience a slowing down of their
metabolism. Although nature originally intended this as protection so that women
can put on body fat that will produce the estrogen and androgens the ovaries
are no longer producing at the same rate, it can result in an apple-shaped figure.
The trouble is that this weight gain, especially around the midsection is associated
with an increased risk for heart disease, breast cancer, uterine cancer, polycystic
ovary disease, urinary stress incontinence, gallstones and other diseases--all
good reasons for you to encourage her to engage in sensible eating habits and
a regular exercise program (and even join her). Support her in eating a healthy
diet including lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, soy and flaxseed for hormone
health, and the good fatty acids (omega-3 and omega-6 oils).
Herbs and supplements can help with a woman’s general help as well as
with specific symptoms of menopause, says Tori Hudson, N.D., a naturopathic
physician from Portland, Ore., professor at the National College of Naturopathic
Medicine and author of Women’s Encyclopedia of Natural Medicine
(Keats, 1999). “Black Cohash is the single, most important herb to help
with various symptoms including hot flashes,” says Hudson. Use at least
40 mg of standardized extract (standardized to contain 1 mg of 27-deoxyaceleine
per tablet) twice daily. Here are some other remedies Hudson recommends.
Anxiety
Flax Oil: 1 tablespoon a day.
Kava extract: 45 to 70 mg kavalactones, three times daily.
Breast Tenderness
Evening Primrose Oil: 500 to 3,000 mg a day.
General Health
Vitamin C: 1,000 mg daily.
Vitamin E: Take 400 to 800 IU daily.
Multiple Vitamin/Mineral: Take as directed on label.
Hot Flashes
Red Clover: Take a standardized extract (40 mg isoflavones) once daily. Also
helps night sweats.
Insomnia and Mood Swings
5 HTP: 50 to150 mg before bed.
Valerian: Take 150 to 300 mg of a standardized extract before bed.
Melatonin: 1 to 5 mg before bed.
Calcium: 1,000 mg before bed.
Low Libido
Gingko: 80 mg of a standardized extract (standardized to contain 24% ginkgo
flavone glycosides), two to three times a day.
Depression
St. John’s Wort: 300 mg (standardized to contain 0.3% hypeericin), three
times a day.
Folic Acid: 800 mcg, plus 1,000 mcg B12, plus 75 mg B6 daily.
SAM-e: 200 to 400 mg, two to three times a day.